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Ferro was being touched. Through the darkness of slumber and searing headache, it was the only thing they could perceive. Touched passively in their sleep, and now in their waking moments. They opened one eye slowly after the other. A guy was up against them, paw across their chest, holding them as if he was their lover. Ferro felt tangled, like his paws were seaweed pulling them down.
“Why was this guy doing this?” Ferro thought to themselves. They met and fucked before doing drugs and having sex again. Certainly that didn’t entitle him to hold them the way Sterling used to. What did he know about Ferro? What did Ferro even know about him? Did they even remember his…
“Fuck,” Ferro pushes the guy away rather roughly.
He wakes up in a start, rubbing sleep out of confused eyes before asking. “What’s going on, what was that for?”
“I don’t like being touched and like…” Ferro seems to struggle with their words “I like, don’t even remember your name… And my heart feels like it was flattened by a train.”
“Ahh, okay, that sometimes happens when you come down from Hearth Honey.”
“Why do you even take it then?” Ferro said between pants.
“Eh, it happens less the more you do it.” The guy puts a paw on Ferro's shoulder. “I’ll stay with you while you’re coming down though, it helps to have a friend-”
Ferro brushes his paw off of their shoulder. “I said I don’t want to be touched… It-it’ll be better if you leave, I think I want to be alone...” Ferro expected for him to have more of a reaction with that. Maybe even call them a dick. They had certainly earned it. But he just picked up his stuff and wordlessly left.
They collapsed backward on their bed. Their heart ached for affection; real affection. So they thought back to the last time they had it.
***
“I don’t know if I’m really ready for sex yet…” Ferro’s boyfriend Sterling said nervously at the foot of the bed. Ferro smiles warmly at him before giving him a peck on the cheek.
“Don’t worry about it, Bun. I’ll still be here whenever you're ready.” Ferro used to be a lot more patient about this kind of thing. It was before Ferro realised that Sterling would probably never be ready for sex.
“Thanks, Hun…” Sterling whispered as they exhaled, pulling in Ferro in rhythm with his next breath. Placing his lips soft against theirs. His paws felt so warm. So unlike the greedy grasp of seaweed. They held Ferro not with want, but with something softer, gentler. Not the burning passion of romantic love. But the warm comfort of something that always felt so much more real to them.
Something that the Hearth Honey had simulated the night before. And now Ferro was desperate to have again.
The contact of the kiss expanded. Caressing paws, bodies flush against one another. Soon Sterling and Ferro were fully making out. Sterling's dick couldn’t help but rub against their fur. And Ferro couldn’t help but notice that Sterling's cock was absolutely rock hard just from the dry humping, too. They could only wonder what the issue really was. He was certainly excited enough around Ferro... They perished that train of thought quite quickly though, the last thing they wanted to do was push Sterling. He’d come to them when he was finally ready.
Sterling cut their heavy petting session abruptly. Collapsing his weight onto Ferro and cuddling them close. He had ended amorous activity this way many times before, so Ferro had become quite used to it. Reacting the way they often did, they pushed him off of them. Trying to keep themselves measured and steady, doing their best not to upset Sterling with a hard shove. Though it seemed Sterling got upset anyway.
“I’m sorry I’m not everything you hoped for, Ferro…” Sterling croaked quietly, holding back tears.
He had nothing to apologize for. Ferro wanted to say that, even in the moment. He isn’t guilty for being himself, for wanting and feeling what he felt. But what Ferro said next wasn’t spoken to reassure him, it was for themselves.
“Hey, It’s alright, just being with you will always be enough for me...”
***
Ferro finished. Masterbation to a memory far more pleasant than their present circumstance. Dripping slowly down their paw as they play that last line of the memory over and over.
“Oh the lies we tell ourselves when we’re in love.”
- Author
- Infinitydoom
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- Wednesday 27 December 2023
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